The first mate’s grown weary

The 2nd’s gone mad

As land will be nearing

The memories will fade

Savor the voyage, the good and the bad

Can I be honest with you for a moment?

I am really looking forward to going home.

I don’t necessarily mean Amistad returning to America, although that is the first (and main) thing on the agenda of my plan. I want to sleep in a real bed, not a sailor shelf with a knee support that keeps it so I can’t ever sit up in bed. I want to have a real room with real privacy, not just a curtain I pull as shut as I can to hide behind in what is basically the ship’s living and dining room (and kitchen making it typically 90 degrees Fahrenheit). I want to be able when someone or something ticks me off to walk away, to be away to somewhere I can collect my thoughts and reinvent myself, not just have sleep be my only escape. I want to spend time with people I want to spend time with when I want to spend time with them. I want to spend time by myself when I want to spend time to myself. I miss my cat. I miss my friends. I miss some of my things. I miss getting up on stage and performing to the delight and laughter of people. I miss getting all dressed up to go to a nightclub in Hollywood or Santa Cruz or wherever I happen to be.

I miss the comic book geeks and piercing/tattoo enthusiasts and nature lovers and Halloweenies and all the pirates who have never sailed I have met and yet to meet.

I miss the redwood forests and the big city attractions simultaneously. I miss San Francisco. I miss Los Angeles.

I miss flirting. And kissing. And sitting on a couch with someone I’ve been flirting and kissing and just falling asleep with my head on their shoulder or lap in a failed attempt to watch some DVD or another.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m having a horrible time that is definitely not the case. It’s the curse of the sailor’s life… when you are at sea, you can’t wait to be home, when you are on land too long, you want to go back out to sea.

On my first voyage ever, my friend Kim said that your crew become these people that you would fight for and want to help out in any way but at the same time if you ever saw them casually on a street you would walk on the other side of the road to avoid them. It’s true. There is only so much time you can spend with someone to where they become something more than your family. They are and will always be your crew. I’ve spent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last 3 months with these people.

And it’s not that I don’t appreciate them as individuals now either, it’s just that I know I’ll appreciate the time I had with them so much more after we aren’t in such a shared space.

There will be a point in the near future where tales of this voyage and the people I have encountered will be interjected with all of my other stories. There will be a time where I remember Sam composing a sunset for me, or Sia greeting us at the Cape Verde airport, or Logan getting kamikazeed in the chest by a flying fish and just laugh out loud. Of course, I will remember the less favorable things too, but time will turn those memories from current aggravations to life lessons.

Thank you Amistad for giving me this amazing adventure and chapter in my life. I’m ready to share what I’ve learned and experienced with some lubbers now.

-Elaine

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